Closed Doors.
Determined to prove I could make it on my own, I officially moved out of my parents’ house a month before graduating high school. By that summer, I was living in my first real apartment with my best friend and thought I had everything figured out. At the time, I was working in a portrait studio as a receptionist and studying photography at the community college. With a job in my field and a recent engagement to my high school sweetheart, everything felt like it was falling into place.
Little did I know that everything I had built was about to fall apart.
One day after Art Appreciation 101, I sensed Holy Spirit nudging my heart: Go buy that piece of artwork in the college gallery. It was small and overpriced—a quirky mixed-media piece in a wooden shadow box. Keys glued to the bottom, a random cutout of a chicken, and a backdrop of closed doors with one slightly open on the right. Stamped across the glass in bold black letters were the words:
WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES, ANOTHER DOOR OPENS.
If you had told me at the time that that little piece of art would go on to become one of my most prized possessions—an anchor of hope in some of my darkest seasons—I wouldn’t have believed you. I didn’t know the artist and was just beginning to recognize God’s voice. Was He really asking me to buy a piece of ugly chicken art with a cheesy quote about doors? I wasn’t even sure it would fit in my backpack. I had bills to pay, something to prove, and no financial cushion. Spending what little I had on something as silly—and expensive—as quirky chicken art felt insane. But I couldn’t shake the sense that I needed to buy it anyway.
Not long after I found a place to hang up that piece of art, my world came crashing down.
It all happened so fast.
Over Christmas, our engagement ended painfully, sending me spiraling into a deep depression and upending my social circle. I did my best to show anything but that on social media. Deep inside I was drowning. I felt rejected and unworthy of love.
Did he really mean it?
Then my roommate went on tour with a new band—and never came back. She ghosted me and abandoned the lease. I’ll never forget that sinking feeling of sitting in our empty apartment, all alone lighting candles in the cold because the utilities had been shut off.
Then, while trying to escape the heaviness of grief with a birthday trip to the mountains, I broke my ankle snowboarding.
And then I lost my job.
All of this-the breakup, the lease abandonment, the broken ankle, and losing my job-happened within three months of eachother.
Next to go was the apartment.
I couldn’t shake the depression that semester, failing out of school and forfeiting my financial aid too.
With all the doors around me closing, was God still with me at all?
Everything I had worked so hard for was gone.
I started drinking and smoking, living out of my car until I finally humbled myself and asked for help. I was able to stay with a relative for a short time.
As I unpacked my things and tried my best to stuff my emotions, I found that little piece of art from the college. It wasn't so ugly afterall. The words took on a whole new meaning and brought me hope I desperately needed.
When one door closes, another door opens.
What I couldn’t see at the time amidst so much pain and loss was that quirky piece of art I had purchased only a few months before, was God’s gentle reminder and subtle reassurance of His faithfulness to me. He was calling me to venture into a lifestyle of walking by faith daily, shutting the doors to sin in my life and allowing Him to open doors that no man could shut (Isaiah 22:22).
That summer, the door that He opened for me, was with YWAM (Youth With A Mission). I had zero desire to attend a missionary training school at the time—but with every other door closed and the support supernaturally pouring in, I boarded a plane to Kona, Hawaii to join a Discipleship Training School where I spent the next 6 months being wooed by the love and grace of God.
The following summer a friend felt led by the Lord to buy me a one-way plane ticket to California. I embarked on my first “faith-journey” with nothing more than $35 to my name, a small backpack and a burning heart for young people to die to the American dream and come alive in knowing Christ. I spent the next year traveling the coast, walking through the doors He opened for me before eventually returning home to graduate college with a different major.
This pattern of closed and opened doors that can only be unlocked by faith isn't just mine-it's woven throughout Scripture. One story that I've been encouraged by in so many ways is that of Abraham.
The LORD had said to Abram, "Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you.” -Genesis 12:1
When Abraham said yes to following God, he wasn’t handed a map, he was given a closed door. Ur of the Chaldeans was no longer home for him according to the Lord. It was a closed door. Have you ever been met by the Lord with a closed door but unsure about where the next open door was? Even if you’ve never felt prompted to give away all of your belongings and move to another country, Abraham’s story is one we can all relate to when it comes to placing our trust in God’s plan for us. Allow me to explain.
Have you ever been on a road trip with a friend who insisted on using the GPS on their phone and telling you the directions, instead of letting you see the map for yourself? Relying on someone else’s cues—can leave us feeling vulnerable and unsure. When we're the one driving, we usually end up asking to see the map at some point, especially when we are being led down a different route than the one we are used to. “Are you sure this is the right way to go?” We find ourselves wanting to grab their phone, zoom out and see the full street, know the estimated arrival time, the traffic delays, the turns before they come. Making eyes with the map gives us a sense of certainty, safety, and independence. Most of us would rather put the coordinates into our own GPS because, deep down, we want to determine our own course - we want control.
But walking by faith doesn’t work that way. Faith doesn’t demand to see the GPS - fear and doubt does that. So how do we gain more faith? We put our hope in who God says He is and we seek Him to know Him, regardless of our circumstances.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. -Proverbs 3:5-6
The original word used in the Bible for the word 'acknowledge,’ is the word ‘yada’ which simply means to know. What’s wild about Abraham is that he’s gone down in history as a man who went on a radical, blind-faith journey with God, but he’s also one of only four people mentioned in the Old Testament, as a friend of God (James 2:23, Isaiah 41:8). Maybe this is because Abraham came to realize that the journey wasn’t ever about the destination, it was about coming to know the one who was leading him.
The truth is that opportunities come and go in our lives - the doors that open and shut neither define us nor compare to the journey of simply seeking Him to know Him. In fact, the best door we can ever go through is Him.
Jesus said to them, “Very truly I say to you, I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture.” -John 10:9
Where in your life are you asking to “see the map” instead of trusting God with the next step? Where have you seen the Lord open and close doors in your life for your benefit? What would it look like to seek Him to know Him in this season of your life? Are you seeking Him for the destination or seeking Him to know Him deeper? Pray and invite Him to deepen your trust in His leadership. Recommit yourself to giving Him your ‘yes’ and letting Him lead you!
Check out my recent book, Knowing I Am: A Study On The I Am Statements of God for more encouragement, reflective prompts and tools to grow in your faith.
Thanks for reading!
